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Archive for November 21st, 2022

If my heart cries out, will you hear me?

Posted by appolus on November 21, 2022

I very rarely give the premise of a poem. Poems should speak for themselves. Poems can say a thousand different things to a thousand  different people. A poet reaches into his heart and speaks of what he knows and presents a piece of his heart to others. What is common to him is common to humanity. When he expresses this, it touches others for they recognize that joy and pain and even agony that is common to all of us to one degree or another. Yet I would like to say a few words about this poem that I have written. It is my testimony of being saved. It is where I was. I had come out of my childhood a thoroughly broken human being. And long before my 21st birthday I had buried a son, been homeless, held my second son in  my arms who had just been burned over 60% of his body with third degree burns, and suddenly I was gone. I had slipped away beneath the darkness. Into the depths of wrecked humanity. I “knew,” I would not leave this place.

And it was this “knowing,” that was the atmosphere of my own personal hell. It is impossible to convey this place of lost souls. I had walked out of the fire of my childhood and onto broken glass. And suddenly the mind is overwhelmed and you slip away.   And so the poem describes a shaft of light that doggedly pursued me. I knew it was there, I ran from it. It was, of course, my Jesus. And he pursued me to the gates of hell. I cannot really describe my encounter with Him. It was an agony, for I could see myself. I, who would have destroyed every mirror in the world had to face what I had become in the incredible light of Christ. And right there I wanted Jesus to look away from me, I did not want this magnificent majestic perfect beauty of Holiness to look on something so deformed by sin. And yet He looked, despite my sin. “I love you.” And in a single moment, I was free. And so, the poem is about my journey to the light. If you know someone who is lost in the depths of darkness, maybe you could share this with them. There is but a single hope in Christ.

If my heart cries out, Lord will you hear me?
If I come to you, Lord will you see me? 
What could be worse than the darkness where I stand?
To reach out through the darkness and discover there's no hand

The greater terror than the darkness of the night
Is to consider the possibility that there really is no light
To be so consumed by darkness that there is no way ahead
Is to walk in lockstep with the lost, to walk with the walking dead

Yet all along there was but a single shaft of light
That followed through the fire and was with me in the night
I ran and ran and ran from this but yet it followed me
Even to the ends of the earth and to the depths of the bottomless sea. 

I had taken the wings of the morning and fled into the night
I had plunged to the very gates of hell, yet it kept me in its sight
Even in this darkness it still was light to me
I could sense that somewhere in this light I could yet be free

And so with trembling agony I stumbled to the light
I had ran with the forces of chaos and now I had no fight
So my heart cried out to Jesus "Is it true can I be free." 
And in a single moment He was standing there with me. 

And oh what an agony to to be this near to Him
I could see my lost humanity, that I was drowning in my sin.
And with my very last breath, He had indeed heard me
The light had come to take me home, the light had set me free.

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