A Call To The Remnant

Scottish Warriors for Christ- http://www.facebook.com/acalltotheremnant

Going back to the gates of hell.

Posted by appolus on December 15, 2022

What does it mean to be delivered? What does it look like for God to take full possession of us? Did He not purchase us? Did He not redeem us? He surely did and He will have all of us. One Wednesday night many many years ago at a church I used to attend, I was ministering to a young man in his 20s. He had been in the army. As I prayed for him I heard myself telling him that this was a battle. He had to fight his way to the very center of all of the madness and take this flag that had been planted in the depths of his heart and break it over his knee. “This is what victory looks like to you,” I told him. As I was driving home the Holy Spirit spoke to me very clearly clearly. “That was a good prayer…. how about you?……what about your battle?” And in that way that only God can do, I heard Him speak without speaking. I had a flag planted in the depths of my heart. It was planted there when I was a child. The devil himself, through my earthly father had planted a flag in my heart and it denoted ownership. There was a part of my heart that I could not have articulated to you. Oh I knew I had anger. I knew there was rage in me still, even after coming to the Lord, but it was buried deep. It would come out in flashes and would shock me.

As I continued driving home in the midst of this revelation, the Holy Spirit told me to go home, go to the basement where my father would be, he was visiting from Scotland. Turn of the television and look him right in the eyes and say to him “I am going to tell you something and I do not want you to interrupt me. I love you dad. As far as I am concerned there is no past between us,  there is only now and I forgive you.” And when the Holy Spirit was finished speaking to me I was totally horrified. There was an inner scream in me. I was supposed to say this to the man who crushed my heart and broke my spirit? I would rather be roasted over hot coals. Its not that I did not want to say it to him, its that I simply could not. That was a bridge too far. And in my thoughts I screamed “I could never do this.” And immediately, the Holy Spirit very firmly said to me, out of my own mouth no less, in a way that could not be argued with “yes you can.” And so I drove home, trembling. Fear rose up in me. A fear I had not felt since I was a child dealing with the rage of a drunken father who hated God. I was literally drowning in my fear. There was no place to run and no place to hide. There was a flag planted in the depths of my heart and this very night God was going to tear it down.

I arrived home. I asked my wife where my dad was. I was half hoping he was not in the basement. Maybe I could convince myself it was not God that spoke. “He’s in the basement watching TV. ” I approached the stairs like a man walking towards his own funeral. Thoughts and memories rushing through my mind, memories I had suppressed all of my adult life. With every stair I went down I could hear the insults. “Fucking idiot.” Another stair, “You useless piece of shite.” Another stair “stick that fucking knife in me right now.” Another stair “go on you fucking poof.” I was descending back into a hell I had long since left behind. And there he was. And there I was. The man that had crushed my heart and broken my spirit and robbed me of my childhood, and had never been confronted in any way. The giant that ruled over my childhood land with ruthless domination. All of a sudden, there I was, speaking word for word what the Holy Spirit had told me to say. And the flag was uprooted and broken in two. The stronghold fell. I hugged my father and wept on his shoulder. And when it was over it was over. I would like to tell you that it had a fairy tale ending. That we had this marvelous relationship after that. We did not. Yet, the power had been broken. The work had been done. Listen brothers, listen sisters. God wants all of you. He knows the very depths of your heart. He knows you better than you know yourself. He will do a work in you. He will take what is His. He will shape you and mold you. Never fight it. God bless you in your journey.

10 Responses to “Going back to the gates of hell.”

  1. Hi Frank,

    Thank you for sharing this! I also have a flag of this type planted in my heart by my raging father. The holy Spirit has been encouraging me to write about being a Son of Rage. I said I would never rage like my father, but here I am today with the pattern. My rage is not directed at other people as was true for my father, rather, it is directed at myself. Self-hatred and self-loathing describe my dominate emotional reactions to most everything.

    As I began my writing project about rage, I described some of what I knew about the development of my father’s rage. He died in 1990 so my work is between the Holy Spirit and myself. I still have more to uncover, but the major point here is that I now know that the flag of worthlessness is removable through the power of God, and I look forward to a time when I no longer need to fight rage, but can simply live in God’s peace and love.

    John from Maine

    • appolus said

      God bless you brother John. This worthlessness for me was broken in a vision I had of Calvary. It was abundantly clear to me that the sacrifice was so great, that the ones for whom it aimed at had tremendous worth to God. And it was in the realization of this worth that it occurred to my spirit that this was me, I had worth, and it was God Himself who valued the worth. It is one thing, of course, to know this in our heads, it is entirely transformative to “know,” this in the depths of our own hearts. My prayer will be, for you brother, that the Lord opens your eyes to your great worth to God. How much are you worth? Just look to Calvary and see how much! …….bro Frank.

  2. Niamh O'Regan said

    Amen, thank you for sharing such a personal testimony brother. I have been subscribed to your emails for about 9 years, around when I first came to a knowledge of Christ and always loved getting them but it is only in the last 2 years that I am actually understanding what you are saying and what a blessing it is to be brought into the real truth. I still have a long way to go but just want to share your emails have been more than encouraging on this walk. Especially in this last year when the Lord has been revealing the true me to me, my flesh. Which I never understood there was a separation of the new creation and the flesh. Church doesn’t seperate it so your trying to bring that into the kingdom and I was completely decieved. So im still on a journey but Praise God I have a fear of God I never did. I have kind of gone off on one but just want to thank you for the continuing encouragement brother and my Husband feels the same . It’s a blessing to be part of the body of Christ.
    Niamh

    • appolus said

      What a great encouragement to me to hear your testimony, to hear you speak of deep spiritual truths that can only have been revealed to you by the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. Blessings to you and to your husband and may the Lord our God continue to draw you both, deeper into the Father’s heart. Sounds like an Irish name? When I go home to Scotland in May to see my parents who are elderly, I plan to visit Donegal where the McEleny’s come from. I sense some significance in this for me, I have no idea what. It is indeed a blessing to be part of the Body of Christ, this mystical union that bonds us as brothers and sister in Christ……..bro Frank.

  3. Prayergate said

    Wow, Frank! That’s amazing!
    I had the same experience with my Dad!
    Only difference was instead of going into a basement, I was rose off our living room couch to go into his bedroom. He had just finished verbally ripping my heart to shreds in front of my mother.
    But instead of being afraid, the Holy Spirit filled me with a BOLDNESS that I had never experienced before (I was young in the Lord at the time).
    It was also the first time in my life that I had ever dared to challenge or confront my Dad.
    But after I had finished speaking the words which the Spirit had placed in my mouth spontaneously, moment by moment … he was speechless!
    Years later, on his deathbed, he finally yielded to the conviction of the Holy Ghost and received the Lord!
    Thank you for your testimony!
    Tim 🙂

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