Loveless empty nests?
Posted by appolus on January 28, 2021
In the natural world there is such a thing called “The empty nest syndrome.” It is well documented. You may be in that position now, or approaching it. So, the empty nest syndrome happens when your last child leaves the house and now it is just you and your spouse. On average the children period lasts for around twenty years or so. The central focus of that twenty years has been your children. You have common cause with your spouse and typically everything revolves around the children. It can be hard to tell what kind of relationship the parents have because of all of the activity and emotional investment that revolves and swirls around the children.
Then suddenly, one day you wake up and there is a strange silence through the house. Nothing is stirring, not even a mouse. And you wonder. Do we now have anything in common? Could we hold down a decent conversation? Do we love each other and do we even have a relationship? Many couples have found to their horror that they do not have a relationship with this person they call their spouse outside of an apart from their children. Sometime couples discover that they don’t even like each other. Of course there is the other type of couple. Their love is real and strong and at the center of it all was their love and devotion to each other and from that place came the strength and resolve to raise their children. And when that part of their life is over, they are ready, together, to launch into the next part with each other, hand in hand.
I would like to suggest that this empty nest syndrome is an analogy that can explain the difference between someone who is religious and someone who has a relationship with God. In the case of the people who have no real relationship and are bound only by their children, their children can represent church on a Sunday. Bible studies. Groups, organizations. If we began to strip all of those activities away what would be left standing? Would you have a relationship with God without these activities?
For someone with a real relationship with God, no matter what was stripped from them they would still stand strong in their faith. The vital love and passion that they have for God is the central focus of their life and everything that is in their life revolves around this. For the man and wife who love each other and are one in the Lord together, that will not change when their children leave the house. If a man and a woman do not love each other and have no relationship outside of their children then the marriage will not last long when the cementing force is taken away.
Love and relationship has to be at the core of who we are. It is the force that binds us together. Children come and go, birds fly the coup, activities can come to an abrupt halt like we have seen in the last year with Covid. What still stands when the smoke clears? Our abiding relationship to Jesus. With everything, or stripped of all things Jesus remains. He remains preeminent in our hearts. This grows deeper with time if it it is real. He is what defines us. And we truly see this more clearly as the trappings of this world fall away. Even as youth and strength and beauty and vigor depart from us, we know that the inner man is renewed daily and this is what the world sees. We, the children of God are no loveless empty nests, we are instead the temple of the Holy Spirit which grows richer with every passing day.
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