I have been thinking about the subject of suicide in the last couple of days as two well known people committed suicide this week, one of them a mega pastor. As someone who was first overshadowed by the darkness of that thought when I was around twelve and then in later life just prior to coming to Christ I know something of that struggle. I came from a very broken background and that was undoubtedly the breeding ground of these thoughts

I listen to much of what is said today on the subject and it is always or almost always spoken of in terms of mental illness. I disagree for the most part. It is not a mental illness but rather a spiritual illness, a malaise of your very soul. And so the answer does not lie in the head but in the heart. It is a deep darkness which can only be truly combated by Light.

I sought desperately for this light at the age of twenty six. Sin and despair and brokenness had weighed me down. It was almost as if gravity was slowly being eradicated all around me making every step, every thought, every action heavier and heavier. At the same time the darkness increased daily and so I lived in an ever darkening world where every step took enormous effort. It was quite literally mentally and physically exhausting.

Have you ever been very tired behind the wheel of a car at night? Your eyes are getting heavier and heavier and a small voice inside your head whispers “just close your eyes for a second, it will be okay.” And the more tired you get the more sensible that voice begins to sound. There is a craving for sleep. Now imagine a voice much louder than a whisper trying to convince you that the ultimate sleep is the ultimate relief.

This is the lie of the darkness. Oh the sweetness of the light that shone into my broken sin sodden heart. Jesus stood up in the temple and told the people that He had come to heal the broken-hearted, to set at liberty the captives. The answer to the darkness of the suicidal thought is the light of the Lord Jesus Christ. This daily abiding in Him, this taking up of the armor of the Lord, taking on the shield of righteousness that quenches the fiery darts, sometime flaming arrows is so vital.

Spiritual brokenness lies at the heart of most suicides. Men and woman who, in their own minds have no worth and have no purpose for living, who cannot see any light. It is darkness that threatens to consume them and it is the Light of Christ that will deliver them. This is the Word of God and it is my own testimony of the reality of His Word. In Him I have found worth. In Him I have found purpose and in Him I have found that light which comes against and destroys the darkness.

Dear Father in heaven. I pray for all of those who are afflicted and tormented by this scourge. In the mighty name of Jesus I cry out for all those who are going under, drowning in gross darkness and being brought down very low by the heaviness of this world and their place in it. May the light of Christ shine into every dark corner and may the victorious work of Calvary liberate the captives from their chains and from the darkness of sin and brokenness.