I was just looking for a river-why I left the Protestant church.
Posted by appolus on September 2, 2023
Just to be clear, when I say “Protestant,” I mean all of it, all denominations and non-denominations. Its not that I think that there are no genuine saints there, there are, in probably all of them. It is just that I was looking for a river to be carry me to the throne, to be engulfed in, and I found, for the most part, semi-dried up creeks. I was born and raised a Catholic in a mostly Irish Catholic community on the West Coast of Scotland. My whole education was Catholic, as it was for all working class Catholics, and it was free. One night my mother came home and announced that she had “found Jesus.” She was one of those “born-agains.” I was seven. My non-practicing alcoholic Catholic father was freaked out by it…… I was fascinated. They talked about God in chapel, but here was my wee mother claiming to actually know Him. I too longed to “know Him.” One thing was for sure, she was changed and she was bold.
All hell broke loose in our house. My father raged against my mother. He seemed to instinctively know that he was no longer “in charge,’ of her. There was something more important to her now than him. So he tried to beat Jesus out of her. In wild drunken nights he would rail against the Jesus that she believed in and that had changed her and won her over so completely. Black eyes and a broken jaw and nights where he almost killed her. And after fifteen years of this, at the age of forty nine, he got down on his knees and repented and gave his life over to the Jesus that he had assaulted and assailed so many times in his proxy war. He never drank again and my mum and dad retook their marriage vows and he was baptized. Such a huge thing for a man, already baptized as an infant who was raised by a staunch Catholic mother (my grannie)
So as you can see, I had saw the battle. I had saw how religion worked. I saw a genuine saint lay down her life for Jesus and be beaten black and blue for His sake. I had a ringside seat to the battle for a mans soul. So when I came to the Lord at the age of 26 I was ready to dive right in. I had only ever witnessed all or nothing. There was no middle ground in the battle of the ages. If I had metaphorically dived in I would have probably broken my neck as the church was only a few inches deep. Yet lets face it, when you had walked for almost two decades in the desert and came upon any kind of water at all, you would rejoice. Maybe not swim, but certainly rejoice. And those few shallow inches seemed so good. I saw other people come into the Pentecostal church from no church backgrounds and from dead denominational backgrounds and they all thought it was wonderful……..for a time.
There was multiple problems for me. I had such a great desire for genuine fellowship and discipleship. I wanted to be “a part,” of what was going on in the Body. Ushering and toilet cleaner or parking attendant was not exactly what I had in mind, yet for the most part, these were the “positions,’ available. Complain about that and you were simply proud. What I had in mind was what I had read about in the Bible. I had read the Word every day with a fierce thirst and hunger since coming to the Lord. As I read about the Body and every part having a function in 1 Cor 12 I wondered why we did not have such a Body. I left one Pentecostal non denominational church for another. I attended a Baptist church for a year. I went to a conservative Bible College. I went to Nazarene church for six months and I also attended IHOP (International house of prayer) for a year. Two of the aforementioned churches I stuck out for eight years and and seven years. I never found the river to swim in, only a trickle in the shadow of a dam (the dam being the Word and the manifest presence)
I saw patterns emerge in all of these churches I attended. In all of them the order of service was pretty much the same. There were variations but all within a popular theme. None of them allowed for the participation of the saints. All of them were tightly controlled by one man. This one man would appoint, for the most part, yes men for elders. In the end I had to think to myself “is this really different from the Catholic church?’ I know that will sound radical to some people, but in the end the Catholic church is all about authority and who wields it, certainly not the poor folks who sit in the pew. And what I had read in the Scriptures was not about authority at all, outside of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And if Jesus and the Holy Spirit had told us that we were to gather in a certain fashion, I could not for the life of me figure out why this ultimate authority was ignored. I was looking for the river deep, that flowed from the very throne-room of heaven.
And so I left the “organized church,”which was a semi-dried up creek, looking for the freedom of the wild river. I had studied revivals and became involved in the revival ministry. This is where I met folks from all over the world who also had a longing to see, in essence, a 1 Cor 14 gathering where all of the members of the Body operated rather than one or two and the rest sat passively by until it was time to write a check or pull out their wallets. Think about it saints, why would we want to gather in any fashion other than that which the Lord lays down in His Word? Multiple centuries of tradition had transpired and conspired against the simplicity and authenticity of the earliest Church. Its the tragedy of the ages that the Body, with multiple parts, lies unused. Imagine a car without wheels, without gas, set up on blocks where people can only stare at it, for it has not the ability to fire up the engine or go anywhere. It becomes just a dusty heirloom, and we can only read about how it used to run.
I want to name some of my findings from my studies and experiences which may help to explain why there is a just a trickle in the creek as opposed to a mighty flowing river.
.1. The senior pastor. Not Biblical, a made up position.
2. The order of service, pretty much the same in any church. Not Biblical, man made.
3. The sermon that so dominates the “service.” Not Biblical, established by man.
4. The way we “break bread,” together. Not Biblical, established by man.
5. The clergy/laity divide. Not Biblical, established by man.
6. The church building. Not Biblical, established by man.
7. Ordination. Not Biblical, established by men.
8. Where is the “two or three prophets,’ who are to speak to us? (1 Cor 14:29)
10. Where are the two or three who would speak in tongues with interpretation? (1 Cor 14:27)
11. Where are the teachings (plural) and a psalm given or a portion of Scripture? (1 Cor 14:26)
12. Where are the Apostles, prophets, miracles and gifts of healing and varieties of tongues (plural) ( 1 Corinthians chapter 12:27,28)
I want to ask you brothers and sisters. Does the above describe your gathering? How can God bless something that is so far removed from what He Himself laid down in His Word? The church as we have known it is dying. It is devoid of power and passion, and passivity is the order of the day. Let Diotrephes speak and let the rest remain silent. And the rest are quite happy to dwell in a wilful ignorance. I say wilful ignorance because they can read the Word the same as you and me. They want their Moses to speak to God and for Moses to speak to them even if the mountain burst forth with earthquakes and trembling they would fall back from it.
Will you remain silent? Will you remain passive? Will you sit by and not even question the order of service you just sat through? Did that order of service resemble anything you have ever read in the Scriptures? Do you really even care? The Word of God says this is 1 Cor 12 starting at verse 7…..But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all. For to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the same Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecies, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit work all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.
Do you see the richness and the depth of what has just been described. Now brothers and sisters, that is a river to swim in. That is no dried up creek. “The manifestation of the Spirit,” starts out the verse. When was the last time the Spirit of God manifested Himself among your gathering, your church, your denomination? I’m not talking about hearing a great sermon from a professional or being delighted with the professional music, I am talking about the manifestation of the Spirit. Notice that every part is “given,” by the Holy Spirit for the edification of all. These Scriptures are describing a masterful orchestra directed by the Holy Spirit Himself. Each part intimately conducted and carried out by the Conductor. It is no one man band, it is no mere trickle in a creek, but rather it is a symphony written by God Himself and it floods our souls and overwhelms our spirits and changes us as it takes us to where it wants to take us. No mere mortal can control it. Do you want to be part of the orchestra or do you want to sit by passively and listen to the tune of a one man band that entertains you for a moment?
A Call To The Remnant 
Mary Lamoray said
Excellent!!
appolus said
Thank you sister………….bro Frank
anita414 said
You wrote every word exactly how I feel. Concerning this so called Church’s . And felt for years! & I agree!
Enough is enough. I want JESUS. The REAL JESUS & Holy Spirit. Like the book of Acts! Enough with all the dead religion thats all around. And I WILL HAVE NO PART OF IT. I pray for all. But its a persons choice. And as for me, I will do & be as the Word of God says! 😁
By His Grace it’s possible! Thank you for this post, I wished the whole world could read this!! Especially those in the Church houses.
appolus said
Once you have tasted heavenly food sister, you can never go back to spam. God bless you Anita…………..bro Frank
anita414 said
DOUBLE AMEN TO THAT!! God bless you my brother!
Steve said
I appreciate your article. I can’t agree with you more. I was saved at the age of seventeen in 1977 and baptized with the Spirit in 1978. With this baptism of the Spirit, I had a continuous thirst for more of God, and desired His Presence when attending church, but never really experiencing it in a church gathering. Now 46 years later, churches seem to have become more dead. James wrote that the body without the spirit is dead, I think can be applied to modern churches. The Spirit is missing. So very sad.
appolus said
I agree with that Steve. Everything has a season for a reason and I believe the season, not matter how long it lasted, of the organized church is coming to an end. Longevity is no qualifier of authenticity, just look at the Catholic church. So Christendom is falling and the remnant of God are rising!………………….bro Frank
Mary said
Thank you, Brother Frank, for sharing truth and your personal experience. I cried … and cried some more as I have had a similar journey.
Modern Christianity has fallen so far away from “normal” biblical gatherings that most would find what you shared here extreme. But once you have experienced it, you can’t settle for less. I agonize much over the state of things.
I’m of the mind that most professing Christians haven’t read the NT for themselves and are just “churched.”
I’m wondering about you and those who read and comment here…are you all experiencing this in your personal lives? I’m have it in the 2’s and 3’s and so thankful for that, but I know there is a greater experience to be known with others that belong to Him…locally. At times I am baffled why there is no “longing” for it among professing Christians, and a happiness with the status quo 🤔 and then I think that there are those that are longing/looking but don’t know it exists, and so they continue to Church hop, like I did, thinking I just hadn’t found the right church. I had left “church and non denominations” 30 years ago and and a few years ago I got involved in a Bible study in town that I was told had read “Pagan Christianity.” I had hope!!! But time has gone by and the organized system has reared its ugly head. My days are numbered as I can’t bear it anymore 😢
appolus said
Sorry it took me so long to reply Mary. I meet about three times a week with a few genuine saints. Our topic of conversation is Jesus and the Word. I have traveled to various places to meet the saints who have contacted me on here and on social media. A year and a half ago I met with two house churches in Wales and I wept and they wept when I left. I felt like a church worker from the early church, traveling to home churches and encouraging and exhorting and if necessary rebuking……………………bro Frank
Mary said
No problem, Frank, totally understand.
Thanks for sharing a bit of your journey.
Glad you have some locally to share Jesus and
His Word. Nothing better than that!
ladysheepdog said
I haven’t been happy with the status quo for a very long time. I just recently started attending in person again, as a good percentage of my followers/ones I’m following here on WP do the disapproving thing of the one way street of “forsaking the Saints”. Its a two way street is what I’m saying. And so much of what anita414, the anonymous author and Frank are commenting is my experience.
So, like anita414 says, I’m faced with an age old decision….I think I have a purpose and I am possibly an answer to someone’s prayer, I just don’t come in the packaging they expected, so its going to take some time for my assignment duties to be performed. Pray for me, my name is Susan and I’m trying to get them to come out of her or change their ways. I know one of the comments talks about the change never happening, and maybe that’s true, as the pointing out of, “come out of her” was also added. I’m intently listening to Holy Spirit on this matter and taking one day at a time.
P.S. – Frank, your book title got me researching definitions as I have used the word Christiandom many times and spellcheck always tells me its spelled wrong, but I have ignored it up until now as I thought it was just not familiar with the spelling (and I often make up my own words too – lol). So when you spelled it Christendom, I was like, what? How wonder it keeps spellchecking me – lol. Well, in my research I have come to the conclusion that I am correct in my spelling as my definition is all of Christianity means basically Genesis – Eternity, though I actually think things got “started” way prior to Genesis chapter 1. FYI
Also, do you keep any copies of your book in person. I’m sure you don’t get much of the proceeds yourself from the sales on a-zon. (add that to the slang list with micky d’s and wally world – lol)
Anonymous said
Out of the “church building” for years and have grown exponentially. A quote: Sometimes God takes you out (of organized religion), bringing you into Him.
I have fellowship every day. God ordained. Ex: The Spirit can have more freedom with a check-out clerk (with another believer or not) than an hour in a “church” building.
This is where God has me and my husband. Trying to go back – for a couple of weeks. Lovely people, I’m sure born again but felt iced out, unworthy, don’t share/talk (Sunday school class), spiritually made to feel dumb. (Just read an article about the Jebusite spirit, very eye-opening)
Seeking God to show us if we’re to stay or go, to love in them, share, speak when the Spirit directs us…
Then I’m going to lunch, opening the door for an older, black woman, bent over, using a walker. As we wait in line to be seated, chit chatted then I asked if there was anything I could pray for her for. She said she was an intercessor so I said, well then I need you to pray for me!
Told her we were asking God to showing whether to continue going to that Sunday school class (weren’t going to their service) and she said God is saying you are not to go back. You just want Jesus – your heart yearns for Him alone….
Confirmation. It’s sad to say but I was happy NOT going back. I felt like I could focus more on Jesus now…
Btw, everytime I came home those Sundays I just felt down, depressed, empty. My husband and I both commented that we felt dumb, less than, etc… when we were there though we love the Lord and His Word and walk with Him.
It was almost robotic in class.
Anyway, just a little/long testimony.
Thank you for insight and truth – may we all have ears to hear what the Spirit is saying…
anita414 said
100% AGREE WITH THIS PERSON! I have ears and I HEAR. Those who are the true Sons of God are LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD. 😁❤️
anita414 said
I must add one more thing thats absolutely absurd!!! … around here there are many who look down upon anyone NOT going to a church building and quick to tell them, they are going to HELL!!!
Dear Lord, I pray the MERCY of God on them that their eyes be opened to the REAL TRUTH one day, and SOON. Truth is, THERES THOUSANDS AND MORE , IN A CHURCH BUILDING on their way to hell and don’t have a clue. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
ladysheepdog said
In my other comment to this post, I call it, “The way street of forsaking the saints”. I believe its a two way street, though I am more and more thinking its an escape route and we should be using it to run in and get people to use it to come out of her.
Anonymous said
Thank you, Anonymous, for sharing. I relate on so many levels. The hard part is the people ARE lovely, and most, if not all, don’t know anything other than the Institution. It is not about the people; it is the system that is the problem; the interference with the Holy Spirit having HIS freedom to move as HE wills among HIS people. I don’t believe we can ever change the system; the final call in Revelation is to “Come out of her, My people.” Not telling you what to do, of course, as I am in the same position having gone back in a few months ago now faced again with “do I try to ignore the system and just take opportunity to speak Jesus into people as an open door presents itself … or leave?” For me, I’m coming to that old familiar place of “I can’t bear it anymore and have to leave. I don’t belong here.” 🙏Holy Spirit lead and guide us 🙏
Mary said
Anita,
I could have written exactly your same response.
I have come to ‘that old familiar place and can’t bear it anymore’ – again – and have left my Thursday group of 4 years sharing with the “leader” that I wanted him to be FULLY assured that our leaving had nothing to do with the people; (lovely people as you said who are just institutionalized and don’t know they are). We didn’t want anyone to feel hurt or rejected by our leaving (hard not to feel that way, though).
We also have been going to another church on Sunday for a few months, but the writing is on the wall. Wonderful people, but already ‘can’t bear it anymore.’
I have been meeting locally with a few saints for many years outside the Institution, and also have relationships with others elsewhere that have been meeting outside for years. We have wonderful fellowship in the Lord! Presently, there is a stirring of some other saints in our area who I have met along the way who desire to meet. Everyone has their baggage from the Institution so there will need to be much “undoing.” Pray for us as we trust the Lord to gather His saints together in these days. 💜
anita414 said
My dear Sister, We will always do as the Lord wills and in HIS set appointed time, whatever He wills, WE WILL DO or GO. Until then our daily lives whatever we do who ever we come across, we shall love pray for and show them the REAL JESUS.
Its time FOR THE REAL JESUS to be made known. And HE IS NOT CONFINED TO A BOX OR A BUILDING! ❤️🙏🏼😁
Mary said
“Until then our daily lives whatever we do who ever we come across, we shall love pray for and show them the REAL JESUS.”
Amen, Anita 💜